Friday, September 19, 2008

Unspoken Ramblings

Something I haven't been able to express easily.

Some days are great. Others are good. All days are blessed. But some days are just harder than others. It's been 3 weeks since I found out my baby had died. Most days I cope VERY well, no sadness, no emptiness, etc...but others, it is all I can do to keep from breaking down into tears. Women's church bible group dinner tonight - things are great. Fellowshiping (if that's even the correct way to use that word) with other GODLY women. Fun. Food. God. And then for whatever reason my mind starts rolling. I can't seem to stop thinking about that baby. Why I lost it. Why again? Will it happen AGAIN? Will there even be a "next time"? I have been blessed beyond words with Abby Grace. But it hurts no less. I've been pregnant three times, and really, I have lost three babies. (Abby was a twin).

I will be better, but please do not become upset with me when I am just having a hard time dealing one evening. The pain and hurt - I'm not sure if it will ever go away. Just because I seem fine, and do for days, does not mean that I'm "over" it.

There's a good post here. Please read it. Pray for me and my family and all the people who are there that support us. Also please pray for all the others out there that are struggling with this too. Thanks.

1 comment:

MaMa K said...

Honey you know I that I am with you always. I look at Abby and think about how much she looks like you when you where her age. I known the hurt is still there. But you will be blessed again, with no problems. It's all in God's timing. You know you took 7yrs, then 5yrs between you & Matthew. Then 18month later Nick. You are making a diffence as of now, to get in better health. Love you MaMa